7 Phrases the Most ‘Done’ Uni-Goers Know Only Too Well...
Third year’s a joke, let’s be real. You don’t remember the last time you slept, that ‘outside I’m smiling inside I’m dying’ meme is more relevant than you let on, and you feel the urge to hiss at everyone who looks like they’re genuinely enjoying life.
With your eternal state of torment in mind, here are the words that characterise every finalist that ever lived:
1) ‘I cry’
It’s now gotten way past the point of protecting your honour - you’re a broken man/woman ever since the year began and everyone knows it.
You click attending on the ironic ‘collective crying sesh for finalists’ event on Facebook hoping to God it isn’t ironic.
2) ‘I live here now’
It started off as a bit of banter. You changed your address on Facebook to ‘the library’ and got 131 likes. It was funny.
Little did you know that two short months later, 30 hour study days would be your reality.
You bought in a suitcase at your lowest.
In, like, every sense of the word.
I’ve been interpreting Marx's argument wrongly throughout the 3,000 word essay my soul went into? Our assignment is due in this Sunday rather than the next? I’m gonna have to start paying taxes soon like a real adult? What?
Final year is an existential crisis and a half as you’re slowly consumed by essays you do not want to do and job applications you equally do not want to do - stuck in that purgatory between the student life and fully-fledged adulthood.
4) ‘I’ve earned a nap I think’
...you say having written two sentences and tweaked a semi-colon since you dragged yourself to silent study twenty minutes ago. It’s been a long day of procrastinating in any way possible (the loo has never looked more pristine) and mentally-preparing yourself to carry on with this shambles of an essay and actually, you reckon you should reward yourself just for being there.
5) ‘Is there a SparkNotes for that?’
Remember during your A levels when you actually used to read things cover-to-cover? Yeah, we don’t do that anymore.
What started off as the odd guilty skim as a fresher has turned into a third year crutch - if there isn't an online plot summary to sponge off for tomorrow’s seminar you’ll have to actually pay attention to 200 pages of narrative and honestly, you aren’t a fan.
6) ‘Tagged you in a meme’
If putting grief into art creates masterpieces, meme-creators must be the saddest people in the world. Nothing like a good meme to distract you from serious third year things and kickstart an accidental two hour period during which you chain-tag your best mate in about 27.
7) ‘...SU tonight?’
You know when you’re just so absolutely done that you decide to screw it and swap the Shakespeare for reckless shape-throwing? There’s more than a chance that you’re going to end up outside that chicken shop at 3am bawling into your oily chips because it’s a week until your deadline and you don’t get Hamlet and JSTOR is the worst database ever and third year means you haven’t got a shot of finding true love anytime soon and why did you pick this degree…but whatever it’s fine.